My 2018 in Alphabets

January 6, 2019

To be honest, I can say I seldom took random pictures last year and that's the main reason I can't afford to recall much stuffs that happened in my life the past one year. Been working in the hospital where most of the pictures in my gallery now are confidential work-related, I found it tiring to take out the phone just to take random photos. Haha.

"Jangan ambil gambar ye, ni kawasan hospital."
"Dalam wad tak boleh ambil gambar ye."

Actually, living in modern world, trust me medical staffs need to utilize the technology to make things work faster. Specialists, experts on the other side of world, MO in the other building, while housemen in the ward trying to survive with lesser experiences.... of course we need the technology much to reach the seniors. Most of the updates are discussed via the Whatsapps (especially with pictures and videos as prove)

Wah, such a long introduction.


First time.


Anyway, I read two blog posts on this My 2018 in Alphabetical Orders (here and here) and would love to try one.

Amalina : This is not how my name is spelled as it is Amanina instead. But, I cringed much to listen to the viral Amalina song haha

Back to basics : Adulthood is complicated, with responsibilities some more. I believe taking my time and back to basics to understand stuffs make it simpler.

Craving : Craving for good food has been one of my top priorities on free time. I am still surviving to balance between work and my very own body needs. And don't you know, doctors sometimes need to live an unhealthy lifestyle despite counselling patients to do the opposite? Caffeine at night, eating dinner at 3am. Occasionally. 

Doraemon's pockets : 'Poket Doraemon' is another name for lab coat's pockets. Haha we have many stuffs in the pockets, from pens, staplers, dawai kokot, scissors, laboratory forms, medication charts, phone, powerbank, rough papers and not to forget, blood samples.

My version of Doraemon's pocket - baru lepas exchange C&S bottle.


Empty : Half filled glass vs half empty glass. I choose half filled glass, how about you?

Files : My 2018 has been filled with lots of files. Writing every single day but my handwriting doesn't improve much when I need to rush writing during round with specialists. Haha. Every single minute is precious!

Good job : I always tell this to myself after I encountered difficult task. "Good job, Nina. You did great and you've done your best."

Hospital : Hahaha. I am glad I didn't rent the hospital hostels. Why? The hospital is already like my second house. Spending at least 15-18hours a day in the hospital make me tired to even have a glimpse of hospital on my off day. Working in hospital is fun and doable, insyAllah. But I am still a human being who does feel tired. 

Inconsistent : Urut dada je rasa bila jumpa patient macam ni, with inconsistent history. -_-' Kejap pernah kena stroke, kejap tak pernah. Kejap pernah operation, kejap tak pernah. Doctors are not magician and we instead need patients' help and good history to provide good treatment. And we hope people know that sakit kepala and pening kepala are 2 different things?

Jonah : This is a term to call someone who experience a hectic day with lots of admission or eventful days. "Jonah betul kau ni". On good side, working with 'jonah' colleague helps a lot to experience many new cases and new experiences. Otherwise, it can be you, the jonah one. Haha. Jonah is okay, but honestly tiring. Just look at doctors' postcall faces and you can judge their oncall nights. #personalexperience Hahaha.

First meal of the day at 11pm.

Known case of: Usually, we presented the case with 'This is a 64 year old Malay gentleman, with known case of hypertension, diabetes mellitus, dyslipidemia. Currently presented with fever... bla bla bla. Otherwise, we use the word 'underlying' instead. My daily meal of conversation.  

Let it out : Being a houseman, to feel stress is normal. The most important, let it out and I will try my best not to burden my heart with any bad feeling. Talk to someone I trust, let it go.  

Marriage : Have thoughts and discussions on this in 2018, may Allah guide the way and make it real in 2019.

Nausea : Riding an ambulance is no joke, guys. T_T I thought I don't have motion sickness but to be in ambulance, rushing to get to other hospital is challenging.

Okay boss : Frequent way to reply the bosses :) Haha

Phone : I need a new phone. My phone is slowly deteriorating, from camera's quality to battery. Can you imagine from fully charged phone at 6.30am can drain to 0% at 11am? T_T Phone is life, like how I describe in the introduction.

Quality : Quality time with family is beautiful, especially when I just manage to spend few hours with them. 

Red : I occasionally wear tudung with red flowers on top but I will try my best not to wear red to work. I know people said it is khurafat to think this way. But for me, in hospital, red symbolizes blood and emergency. I still wear red and pink blouses outside tho.

Sleep : Something I love to do, every where. I believe my family already get used to see me dozed off, in the car and even at family gatherings. "Eh, mana Nina, senyap je budak ni." "Tu ha, dah lelap dah dia." In medical, I will avoid driving home (balik kampung) after my night shift... well, can you imagine, even at the traffic light in front of the hospital, I accidentally dozed off while driving. Alhamdulillah for my safety so far. 

Time : Time is very precious, I learn this the hard way in 2018.

Uncertainties : Embracing uncertainties was my motto for 2018 and alhamdulillah, I think I did a good job choosing it and it eventually guide my brain and heart to expect the unexpected :)

Vacation : In need of vacation stat.

In need of this.


World : Dunia ni memang sementara. Witnessing death as daily routine make me numb to it and I hate that feeling.

X-ray : In case you come to the ward and hear people said 'SHOOTING' out loud... go run and protect your organs. X-ray is something common in hospital. If patient can walk or stable, the staffs will send the patient to the radiology department if any x-rays needed. Otherwise, we will call for portable x-rays which mean, the radiographer will come to the ward with portable x-ray machine to shoot one.

You : Thank you, good people for coming into my life and make my housemanship bearable. :)

Zeal and zest : Good bye 2018, you have been great!

Will share my wall of memories 2.0 later once it fills up with more sweet memories :D



p/s - Now I miss random photos. T_T

Towards an adventurous 2019, fighting!

SM, Perak, Malaysia 
190106 


Trust Me, Nurses Deserve More Respect:)

December 30, 2018


I am very sad to read the latest 'not our level' issue and I feel called to share my experience about this. Nurses are basically people I meet every day (except my off day, of course) and they are actually the health institutions' backbone, to be honest!

They deserve more respect, more appreciation.
Here, I am not trying to say about respect compared to other professions as I have this belief that every jobs have their own struggle and hardship. But, I want to clarify that nurses deserve better than how they are treated by community. 

Let me share roughly about my life in the ward.

Officially, the schedule of houseman (normal / extended shift) started at 6-7am, depending on hospitals, one of the first person we meet in the ward will be the nurses. Some of them will be at the counter, settling stuffs before handling their pass overs to the morning shift nurses. Upon HOs are doing morning reviews, all the medical notes (or we call them BHT - bed head tickets) are already on the patients' table, together with the observation charts and medication charts. Nurses are the one who distribute the files to each beds every morning while they are taking the vital signs reading for EACH patient 4-6hourly. 

Vital signs - blood pressure, heart/pulse rate / temperature / oxygen saturation / respiratory rate (how many times you breath per minute) / pain score

Just imagine if patients' vital signs are not monitor accordingly, who will be the first person to notice patients' blood pressure drop a lot? Who will update the HOs that patients are desaturating / gasping for air?





After their pass overs, they will make beds - meaning arranging bed linens, giving out new cloths, changing pampers etc AND at the same time, some others will check and records the next vital signs monitoring. Some will distribute the medications while checking the glucose level (for diabetic patients)

Just imagine again, how patients' progress will be if nurses don't serve the medications on time, or how the sugar level will be if no one pricking the fingers of patient and check for it?

"Dr, SpO2 patients tak dapat pick up ni. Dari tadi 90% je. Akak up kan bagi nasal prong taw"
"Dr, BP pakcik X ni mencanak-canak ni. Nak kata stress, dia relaks je. Nak bagi ubat stat apa-apa tak?"
"Dr, GM (glucose monitoring) patient 2.6 je ni. Nak bagi apa-apa?"


Then approaching 8am, medical officers and specialist will be around to check progress of each patients. Morning rounds can end as early as 9.30-10am, but some complicated cases may delay it to 11+am. After round with bosses, HOs will carry out the plan, TOGETHER with the help of nurses.

Carry out can means a lot. It is either active or passive. Active means you need to do it stat / right now as the delay can affect the patients much - urgent blood takings, urgent scan requests, urgent referrals. To be honest, passive carry outs are important as well T_T. Why? They need to be done within working hours (minus the lunch break) - referral to physiotherapy / diabetic nurses / dietitian / speech therapy / pharmacists / hemodialysis / ECHO / scans.

Not to forget... tracing stuffs - it can be either old notes (documents from previous hospitalization in the same hospital / details from hospitalization in another hospitals / baseline blood results etc)

As simple as this, really show how doctors need nurses A LOT. They will always reminds us of our carry out, for the sake of patients. 



I will never forget my very first day of work. I was in O&G department at that time, trying to figure out how to do proper vaginal examination. Doing it as a medical student is not the same as when I am already a doctor. I feel blessed to have good nurses around to guide me around with so many new, first-time things in working life. 

Nurses have more experience than doctors, especially the one who have worked for years. Experiences vs knowledge - very subjective isn't it? Doctors may learn more through out the 5-6 years of study, but nurses have better knowledge via experiences. :)

---------------------






All in all, medical staffs need each other. I am here to support the nurses!
And trust me, human beings need each other. That's why we live in the same world, right?

Respect others as much as we want people to respect us.
Love others as much as we want others to love us.

And lastly, this proves that we need to expect nothing in return, just blessings from Allah for whatever people don't see.

Much love for you guys. <3

SM, Perak, Malaysia
181230

Survived 6 Weeks of Medical Posting :)

December 17, 2018


Just because I love sunset and beaches, make it understandable to have this picture to be the introductory one :)



Hi guys!

I know it has been a while. I miss my own blog too, I miss writing so badly even though I literally 'write' a lot in patients' notes for daily progress. Lol. So lame, Nina.

Anyhow, I am currently in my 3rd posting - Medical / Medicine department, claimed to be the heart of medicine, which is very true. I always adore colleagues who have passed medical as I can obviously see they are calmer in handling rough situations during working. They know what to do in what situations and they always be among my references in the previous postings. Somehow, it makes good reason for me to decide to choose medical as my third posting. Confidence and loads of experiences.

I didn't chose my previous two, anyway. But, still I am glad I love O&G and Ortho, passing them beautifully with good relationships with colleagues, MOs, nurses, other staffs. I hope I will pass this one as well, with more experiences and tougher physical and mental.



Medical posting is hard, to be honest it is the hardest among the rest so far I have been through. T_T

The environment is very good - supportive colleagues, helpful and understanding MOs... just the workload somehow make me slowly becoming exhausted. I am still tired the moment I am writing this even though I have slept hours to recover my lack of sleep through out the week. 

Working hours in this department is challenging.

6 days of work with one off day. Same with other posting though. Just in this posting, it is rare to be able to go back on time. I tried to speed up my carry outs but nehiiii, going back on time is so precious to get. Haha.

I just hope and pray all my efforts to help the patients in ward be blessed, regardless how sincere I do my job. 
Oh Allah, please always give me sincerity, physical and mental strength to go through the day everyday. :) Ameen!


----------------

So, let me share experiences so far - which can actually be obtained in other departments as well.

1. Blood CM
CM means coming morning. Every time you see CM, you need to prepare to do it the next morning.  Usually the blood CM will be taken by oncall people, starting usually at 3-4am and on good days, it can be settled within 1.5hours if we have two HOs doing oncall in one ward. However, it can take up to 2.5-3 hours if you oncall alone. 

Just imagine to take blood from patients in the whole ward (among 30-35patients), adding doing alone... is one of the most terrifying task. If I oncall alone, I will definitely start taking blood as early as 3am, at the same time PRAYING HARD there will be no difficult blood taking, no detached branula (which need to have a new branula insertion), no other issues in ward like patient collapsing / complaining chest pain or difficulty breathing etc.

I know this situation is hard to understand if you haven't been warded or you don't have much friends in medical field but hehehe just read and buat-buat faham je lah taw. :D

Example of blood coming morning to be sent to lab. Results are expected to be available during morning round at least with MO, otherwise you need to add 'Trace & review blood investigations taken today' in one of your AM review's plan. T_T

2. The precious C&S bottles.

If you saw doctors inserting blood into these bottles, keep in mind they are sending blood C&S (culture and sensitivity) to check if your blood has any bacteria or not. Taking blood C&S is compulsory before starting any intravascular (via the blood stream) antibiotics. The results can affect the plan of antibiotics to be used - either to change type of antibiotics according to type of bacteria or to decide on duration to take the antibiotics.

Just, the bottles usually to have shortage of stock in ward. The concept is when we send one sample of bottle, we need to exchange with a new bottle - that's how to keep the bottle to always be available. But, trust me, sometimes the lab can be locked during non working hours or we simply forget to exchange when sending samples. 

Keep in mind - ALWAYS MAKE SURE TO EXCHANGE THE BOTTLES!



3. Exposure to diseases.

To be honest, my health is affected much in this department, despite I always try my best to wear masks, always try to wash my hand with hand sanitizers etc. It is not that you are not exposed to diseases in other departments, just I feel like medical wards have more than others T_T

Please, think thrice at least before taking your child to visit anyone in the hospital. Even adults are fragile, what else children?



There was one day when I have temperature spike - 38.2 degree Celcius and I was contemplating of taking MC, thinking of how my colleagues will be affected much with my absence. End up, I decided to still go to work and dragging my heavy head around. 

In medical, you will understand how hard the day will be for the rest when someone taking emergency leave / MC. You have the right to take MC anyway, it depends on you to take or not.

I feel bad for myself, but I feel even bad to the ward. But, if situation like this ever happen again, I think I will consider taking MC. Working in bad health is very challenging. T_T





So far, medical posting is very interesting as it helps me to try to relate stuffs together, try to come out with my own diagnosis and plans before the MOs come and reassess the patients. It feels good when bosses agree with the plan we have come out but trust me, they have more experiences to change our plans accordingly. Don't be sad if MO's plan is totally different that ours but try to understand the reasons behind their plans - even though it is hard to search for the reasons. Usually I ended up asking the MOs him/herself. 

Pray for my health and success in this posting.

Till next one, ameen.
Byeeee.

SM, Perak, Malaysia
181217

Upon Reading 'Why I Quit My Job As A Doctor'

September 26, 2018




These FB posts circulate on my Facebook feed, it is very interesting to read indeed. To understand a circumstance from another shoes, for me is the best way to broaden our mind on how to look into stuffs from different perspectives. There are varieties of people in this entire world and trust me, we are totally different from each other. Our life is not the same, our background as well, what else our coping mechanism. 



Just remember, human is a unique species.

I have friends who really wants to be a doctor but they are fated to other professions.
I, myself who don't really put doctors as my future life, but here I am.
There are even people who are extremely excellent in medicine, but decided to continue working in other professions. 
There are people who are not medicine-based staffs but they are very good to entertain people to live a healthy lifestyle.

And towards many others to mention here.

I respect her decision to quit. She knows herself better than us, so don't judge but give words of encouragement instead. 

Sometimes, I encountered similar situations in the real working life. I am not an experienced doctor yet, but I do have approaching-7-months housemanship experiences. Trust me, it is hard. Doctors are totally not how they are portrayed in Malay dramas. Only those who have doctors as family members, friends or they have been in-patients and have been seeing doctors regularly will  roughly understand the life of doctors.

"Doktor, dari pagi semalam saya nampak doktor kat sini. Tengah hari semalam pun doktor jugak. Petang dengan malam pun. Ini pukul 5 pagi, doktor lagi. Doktor tak balik-balik ke?"

Common. This is very common to hear.

Responsibilities. Working environment. Workload. Pressure. Stress. People's lives. 

I am not here to share much about the struggles as you can appreciate those in the posts shared by the author. But, here I would love to share what can be done (or maybe what I have done) to prevent my life to be even miserable. So far, I am satisfied enough not to have that quitting thought. 

1. Surround yourself with good friends.
Sometimes, in some places, it is very hard to find good colleagues - people who will not sabotage you, people who will back you up in darkest time, people who will know their responsibilities and willing to evenly distribute the workload, people who will help you with extra works.




But, honestly, they exist. 

Search for them. And most importantly, try our best to be the one for them. They need us as well.

2. Always learn.
Another honest confession, no matter how good we are in theories, working life is beyond our imagination. I am not saying I am the best student but medical students usually have their own struggle to complete the course - be it 5 years or even 6 years. 

Masuk telinga kanan, keluar telinga kiri. 
Apa yang baik, simpan dalam kepala.
Apa yang buruk, buang dari hati. 

Be tough, be strong. And always learn. Medicine is an evolving area, things keep changing for the good. 

I already have juniors. Even though I believe I am still a newbie, but once you become a senior, people expect more from you. Learn faster and teach faster. Remind ourselves, we are helping community with people's lives and health.


3. Tawakkal
Every single time I step out of my room, I will try to practice this.

Bismillahi tawakkaltu ‘alallahi, walaa haula wala quwwata illa billah 
- Dengan nama Allah, aku berserah diri kepada-Nya,
dan tidak ada daya dan kekuatan kecuali dengan pertolongan-Nya

Indeed, it helps a lot to go through the day. Every single day is very uncertain. The good seniors can suddenly be stressed out and vent it out on us, the scary MO suddenly treat us very well. Pray hard that we can endure and cope well with this stress. But, if we can't, please seek help. I understand most doctors don't want to seek help (especially as it can indirectly affect our reputation especially if we have records in Psychiatry department), but please love ourselves. Our body, our mind deserves the best. 

4. Enjoy the rest of the day
If you have been friends with doctors, you can see most of us really appreciate every single free time in our life - be it just by sleeping the whole day or travel as much as we can. Common dilemma among doctors will be like....




"nak qadha tidur ke nak keluar jalan-jalan"

When you go out the whole day, you regret of not spending it with proper sleep.
When you sleep much, you regret of not spending the free time outside.

Hahaha.

Use our annual leave, plan properly. Go out and enjoy. Spend time with the community with stuffs other than health-related. 

Perform our responsibilities to the family - parents, partners, siblings, children. Most of times it can be stressful to imagine we don't really have the privilege to always be there for family events, even our family members may not understand us. But, keep in mind that we already have tried our best to join but the community need us more. Pray hard that Allah will open their heart to understand and most important of all, pray hard for their safety and health as we are far from them to take care properly. T_T


-------------------------



However, if you think quitting is the best for you, do so. But, please, prepare well on how you want to do it. Please, meet people who have been there, who already experienced it - seek their opinions. Otherwise, check for other alternatives - what else can be done with the medical degree - though it is quite limited until we have the licence to practice. But, there are few I believe - non-clinical lecturers, researchers, medical-based companies selling surgical instruments etc. 


I am still struggling but insyAllah may this journey be blessed.
To dear colleagues, we can do this :)

Fightingggg!

SM, Perak, Malaysia.
180926

Hiking Trip - Bukit Engku Busu, Perak

September 21, 2018


Wahaha. Macam tak percaya je saya berpeluang pergi hiking masa housemanship ni.

So, this time, my friends and I went to Bukit Engku Busu, Lumut. There are at least 2 hills to hike if you come here - the other one is Bukit 300 (located close to Teluk Batik). Going to hike that hill soon, insyAllah.


As usual, need to read a bit about the hill. I honestly read this blog post a long ago, since I was still in Obs&Gyne. Just, I didn't have the opportunity that time. :) And my memory about the things I've read already faded away T_T


Our team - Hamizah, Hanis, Haziq, Sham

Just a little introduction about this hill. It is approximately 331 meters high (1087 feet) and named after a king(?) or prince(?) notsurethough, Raja Engku Busu who was been invited to help eliminating pirates in the area. The pirates were disturbing most of the Dutch, British ships etc. However, he was killed and lost the mission.

Manjung that we know today is actually being called as Dindings. The new name has been used since 1st January 1982. 


Welcome to Trek Merentas Hutan Bukit Engku Busu :D

If you read the blog post I mentioned earlier, you can imagine how challenging the route is. Most of it is covered with roots that we need to climb to get higher up. At some slippery areas, there are ropes provided to help us. If I am not mistaken, there are 8 check points to reach the peak. 


Nampak je mendatar... tapi....

Feels nice to see this thing in the middle of hiking. Energized. 

With Hamizah.

Seeeeee. Roots everywhere. 

Seeing roots like that reminds me of 4 seasons I experienced before. Can you imagine how trees can survive different seasons with different challenges? Because Allah has created them with all the needful preparation. For example, don't you think the roots play a huge role?

"When the roots are deep, there is no reason to fear the wind."

Exactly though.

If someone has deep roots of religion, send them anywhere insyAllah they won't change.
If someone has deep roots of love, go and meet a lot of people - insyAllah they won't stray away.
If someone has deep roots of knowledge, insyAllah they won't be bothered with evolution of ideas and even look forward for more.

Rasa macam dah lama tak tadabbur alam. I think I need to start on this again. 


Tadaaaa.

The peak of this hill is actually covered with plants and trees, so don't expect beautiful views from the peak. But, just before the peak, there is a route on the right that we can enjoy the view of the sea and TLDM. People said that we can see Pulau Pangkor as well but I am not that sure which one it is.

Overall, we took about 3 hours plus (I think so) to hike and get back to the base. It was challenging for me but with non-stop motivation of "sikit je lagi", "tu haaa, dah nak sampai dah".... I feel like, yes I can do this. Haha.

Well, biasa la tu. Ayat "5 minit je lagi" dah biasa dalam kamus hiking ni. :D

Breath-taking enough.

To get here;



Thanks guys for the day, till the next hiking trip!
Bukit 300 pulak okay?

M, Perak, Malaysia
180921

I've Been Watching You

September 19, 2018


I was on my way to the thumbprint machine today when I called Hamizah for dinner together. I was ultimately hungry and in need of food STAT. One of the people who will always hang out with me is obviously her :D 





At that time, she was actually preparing for a jog. I decided to join her, yes in my working attire. Who cares though. We went to Astaka in Sitiawan which is famous for its huge field (worth 2km run around the field). Finished a round, I decided to stop. Pancit. I was hungry, remember? 

But, sorry I can't stay still. I walked to the basketball court to watch a 3-on-3 game. Mizah on the other hand went for another 2km jog. At the basketball court, there was a Chinese uncle playing on his own and I offered myself to join. -_-'' attempting to shoot, surprisingly my skill hasn't worn out yet. :D

Excited.

We talked for quite some time and that uncle even shared few tips to shoot. I told him I am not that used to basketball as I played netball instead during teenagers. He said that the concept is basically similar and I already have the basic skill :)

"You have good hands and you know how to shoot."

Wahaha uncle. Thanks!

Towards 7pm+, he excused himself to leave and took the ball with him. After a while, there was an Indian boy approaching me and started a conversion. He was one of the players from that 3-on-3 game I've mentioned earlier.

"Are you new here? I've been watching you just now. You have good shooting skills. Feel free to join us any time."

Okayyy. Hati bunga-bunga.

Berbaloi rasanya praktis shooting basketball kat arcade. Cumanya static shooting macam tu okay lagi. Kalau dalam basketball game... ke laut jugak. -_-'



Finishing my day at the park with this :)

I miss my childhood era when this stuff is my playground.
I miss climbing.

Adulthood is full of responsibilities. We are surely growing older. May Allah bless.


Ohh, we finally had tomyam campur, somtam and a plate of white rice divided into two. Haha, masing-masing tengah semangat nak jaga kesihatan.

Till then,
Salam.
SM, Perak, Malaysia
180918

Latest Instagrams

© HANIS AMANINA. Design by Fearne.