Upon Reading 'Why I Quit My Job As A Doctor'

September 26, 2018




These FB posts circulate on my Facebook feed, it is very interesting to read indeed. To understand a circumstance from another shoes, for me is the best way to broaden our mind on how to look into stuffs from different perspectives. There are varieties of people in this entire world and trust me, we are totally different from each other. Our life is not the same, our background as well, what else our coping mechanism. 



Just remember, human is a unique species.

I have friends who really wants to be a doctor but they are fated to other professions.
I, myself who don't really put doctors as my future life, but here I am.
There are even people who are extremely excellent in medicine, but decided to continue working in other professions. 
There are people who are not medicine-based staffs but they are very good to entertain people to live a healthy lifestyle.

And towards many others to mention here.

I respect her decision to quit. She knows herself better than us, so don't judge but give words of encouragement instead. 

Sometimes, I encountered similar situations in the real working life. I am not an experienced doctor yet, but I do have approaching-7-months housemanship experiences. Trust me, it is hard. Doctors are totally not how they are portrayed in Malay dramas. Only those who have doctors as family members, friends or they have been in-patients and have been seeing doctors regularly will  roughly understand the life of doctors.

"Doktor, dari pagi semalam saya nampak doktor kat sini. Tengah hari semalam pun doktor jugak. Petang dengan malam pun. Ini pukul 5 pagi, doktor lagi. Doktor tak balik-balik ke?"

Common. This is very common to hear.

Responsibilities. Working environment. Workload. Pressure. Stress. People's lives. 

I am not here to share much about the struggles as you can appreciate those in the posts shared by the author. But, here I would love to share what can be done (or maybe what I have done) to prevent my life to be even miserable. So far, I am satisfied enough not to have that quitting thought. 

1. Surround yourself with good friends.
Sometimes, in some places, it is very hard to find good colleagues - people who will not sabotage you, people who will back you up in darkest time, people who will know their responsibilities and willing to evenly distribute the workload, people who will help you with extra works.




But, honestly, they exist. 

Search for them. And most importantly, try our best to be the one for them. They need us as well.

2. Always learn.
Another honest confession, no matter how good we are in theories, working life is beyond our imagination. I am not saying I am the best student but medical students usually have their own struggle to complete the course - be it 5 years or even 6 years. 

Masuk telinga kanan, keluar telinga kiri. 
Apa yang baik, simpan dalam kepala.
Apa yang buruk, buang dari hati. 

Be tough, be strong. And always learn. Medicine is an evolving area, things keep changing for the good. 

I already have juniors. Even though I believe I am still a newbie, but once you become a senior, people expect more from you. Learn faster and teach faster. Remind ourselves, we are helping community with people's lives and health.


3. Tawakkal
Every single time I step out of my room, I will try to practice this.

Bismillahi tawakkaltu ‘alallahi, walaa haula wala quwwata illa billah 
- Dengan nama Allah, aku berserah diri kepada-Nya,
dan tidak ada daya dan kekuatan kecuali dengan pertolongan-Nya

Indeed, it helps a lot to go through the day. Every single day is very uncertain. The good seniors can suddenly be stressed out and vent it out on us, the scary MO suddenly treat us very well. Pray hard that we can endure and cope well with this stress. But, if we can't, please seek help. I understand most doctors don't want to seek help (especially as it can indirectly affect our reputation especially if we have records in Psychiatry department), but please love ourselves. Our body, our mind deserves the best. 

4. Enjoy the rest of the day
If you have been friends with doctors, you can see most of us really appreciate every single free time in our life - be it just by sleeping the whole day or travel as much as we can. Common dilemma among doctors will be like....




"nak qadha tidur ke nak keluar jalan-jalan"

When you go out the whole day, you regret of not spending it with proper sleep.
When you sleep much, you regret of not spending the free time outside.

Hahaha.

Use our annual leave, plan properly. Go out and enjoy. Spend time with the community with stuffs other than health-related. 

Perform our responsibilities to the family - parents, partners, siblings, children. Most of times it can be stressful to imagine we don't really have the privilege to always be there for family events, even our family members may not understand us. But, keep in mind that we already have tried our best to join but the community need us more. Pray hard that Allah will open their heart to understand and most important of all, pray hard for their safety and health as we are far from them to take care properly. T_T


-------------------------



However, if you think quitting is the best for you, do so. But, please, prepare well on how you want to do it. Please, meet people who have been there, who already experienced it - seek their opinions. Otherwise, check for other alternatives - what else can be done with the medical degree - though it is quite limited until we have the licence to practice. But, there are few I believe - non-clinical lecturers, researchers, medical-based companies selling surgical instruments etc. 


I am still struggling but insyAllah may this journey be blessed.
To dear colleagues, we can do this :)

Fightingggg!

SM, Perak, Malaysia.
180926

Hiking Trip - Bukit Engku Busu, Perak

September 21, 2018


Wahaha. Macam tak percaya je saya berpeluang pergi hiking masa housemanship ni.

So, this time, my friends and I went to Bukit Engku Busu, Lumut. There are at least 2 hills to hike if you come here - the other one is Bukit 300 (located close to Teluk Batik). Going to hike that hill soon, insyAllah.


As usual, need to read a bit about the hill. I honestly read this blog post a long ago, since I was still in Obs&Gyne. Just, I didn't have the opportunity that time. :) And my memory about the things I've read already faded away T_T


Our team - Hamizah, Hanis, Haziq, Sham

Just a little introduction about this hill. It is approximately 331 meters high (1087 feet) and named after a king(?) or prince(?) notsurethough, Raja Engku Busu who was been invited to help eliminating pirates in the area. The pirates were disturbing most of the Dutch, British ships etc. However, he was killed and lost the mission.

Manjung that we know today is actually being called as Dindings. The new name has been used since 1st January 1982. 


Welcome to Trek Merentas Hutan Bukit Engku Busu :D

If you read the blog post I mentioned earlier, you can imagine how challenging the route is. Most of it is covered with roots that we need to climb to get higher up. At some slippery areas, there are ropes provided to help us. If I am not mistaken, there are 8 check points to reach the peak. 


Nampak je mendatar... tapi....

Feels nice to see this thing in the middle of hiking. Energized. 

With Hamizah.

Seeeeee. Roots everywhere. 

Seeing roots like that reminds me of 4 seasons I experienced before. Can you imagine how trees can survive different seasons with different challenges? Because Allah has created them with all the needful preparation. For example, don't you think the roots play a huge role?

"When the roots are deep, there is no reason to fear the wind."

Exactly though.

If someone has deep roots of religion, send them anywhere insyAllah they won't change.
If someone has deep roots of love, go and meet a lot of people - insyAllah they won't stray away.
If someone has deep roots of knowledge, insyAllah they won't be bothered with evolution of ideas and even look forward for more.

Rasa macam dah lama tak tadabbur alam. I think I need to start on this again. 


Tadaaaa.

The peak of this hill is actually covered with plants and trees, so don't expect beautiful views from the peak. But, just before the peak, there is a route on the right that we can enjoy the view of the sea and TLDM. People said that we can see Pulau Pangkor as well but I am not that sure which one it is.

Overall, we took about 3 hours plus (I think so) to hike and get back to the base. It was challenging for me but with non-stop motivation of "sikit je lagi", "tu haaa, dah nak sampai dah".... I feel like, yes I can do this. Haha.

Well, biasa la tu. Ayat "5 minit je lagi" dah biasa dalam kamus hiking ni. :D

Breath-taking enough.

To get here;



Thanks guys for the day, till the next hiking trip!
Bukit 300 pulak okay?

M, Perak, Malaysia
180921

I've Been Watching You

September 19, 2018


I was on my way to the thumbprint machine today when I called Hamizah for dinner together. I was ultimately hungry and in need of food STAT. One of the people who will always hang out with me is obviously her :D 





At that time, she was actually preparing for a jog. I decided to join her, yes in my working attire. Who cares though. We went to Astaka in Sitiawan which is famous for its huge field (worth 2km run around the field). Finished a round, I decided to stop. Pancit. I was hungry, remember? 

But, sorry I can't stay still. I walked to the basketball court to watch a 3-on-3 game. Mizah on the other hand went for another 2km jog. At the basketball court, there was a Chinese uncle playing on his own and I offered myself to join. -_-'' attempting to shoot, surprisingly my skill hasn't worn out yet. :D

Excited.

We talked for quite some time and that uncle even shared few tips to shoot. I told him I am not that used to basketball as I played netball instead during teenagers. He said that the concept is basically similar and I already have the basic skill :)

"You have good hands and you know how to shoot."

Wahaha uncle. Thanks!

Towards 7pm+, he excused himself to leave and took the ball with him. After a while, there was an Indian boy approaching me and started a conversion. He was one of the players from that 3-on-3 game I've mentioned earlier.

"Are you new here? I've been watching you just now. You have good shooting skills. Feel free to join us any time."

Okayyy. Hati bunga-bunga.

Berbaloi rasanya praktis shooting basketball kat arcade. Cumanya static shooting macam tu okay lagi. Kalau dalam basketball game... ke laut jugak. -_-'



Finishing my day at the park with this :)

I miss my childhood era when this stuff is my playground.
I miss climbing.

Adulthood is full of responsibilities. We are surely growing older. May Allah bless.


Ohh, we finally had tomyam campur, somtam and a plate of white rice divided into two. Haha, masing-masing tengah semangat nak jaga kesihatan.

Till then,
Salam.
SM, Perak, Malaysia
180918

I Feel My Leg is Still There

September 14, 2018


I just feel like writing today.

This evening, when I was in the prayer room for Asar, I quietly listened to 'curahan hati' of a relative who is currently taking care of her father. She was actually sharing her thoughts to another random lady in the prayer room, just to lift up the burden in her chest, I guess.



Even though I am an Orthopaedics houseman and her father is actually in my ward, I am now in the peripheral team - which means my teammates and I are in-charge of all Ortho's patients in other wards in the hospital... so I don't know much about what is happening in the Ortho ward.

Okay, let's get back to that lady...

Her father was initially came with signs of inflammation of the right lower limb and our impression is necrotizing fasciitis. After further examination and discussion with the specialist, he ended up in the operation for wound debridement KIV BKA/AKA. BKA simply means below knee amputation while AKA means above knee amputation. BKA/AKA will only take place if the surgeon thinks it is better to do so and after approval of patient during the operation. Upon incision of the lower limb, there was A LOT OF pus discharge and slough - which means infection! The leg was really not in good condition and the infection was already ascending above knee. T_T

Only if you know how the slough / wound smells like.....

After explaining the intra-op finding and the surgeon explained the need to proceed with AKA, the patient was only keen for BKA at that moment. So, we proceed with that.

That was my first experience with BKA as a houseman. 

Limb amputation - it sounds easy to say. But if I put myself in that patient's shoes, I can't imagine to see my leg is no longer there. 

But, patient's general health is important as well. That limb can be a source of infection that can lead to sepsis / septic shock - many organs can lose their functions and eventually leading to death.

"Pakcik, saya minta maaf sangat-sangat. Tapi ibu jari kaki pakcik ni sebenarnya dah tak hidup. Kita kena keluarkan dia. Yang mati tak boleh bersama dengan yang hidup, kan pakcik?"

I still remember one of my MO's words towards another patient who came with gangrenous big toe, which means he need rays amputation of the great toe.


Yang mati tak boleh bersama dengan yang hidup, kan pakcik?


This sentence kept on playing in my brain. 

Same goes to life. There are some things or people that are not meant for us or things that are actually harmful to us no matter how much we love them. This is when we need to remove them in our life, otherwise they will affect us, physically and mentally - eventually can destroy us. 

It is hard to let go, but we need to try and live with the fact. And believe that it happens for reasons.

-----------------

I think I lose my writing skills much.
T_T

I miss blogging though.

SM, Perak, Malaysia
180914


Sisters at Heart

September 3, 2018


Both are the youngest in the family.
Both are the only daughter.

My beautiful cousin, Farah.

I am very happy for your marriage, Fa. :) Although I can't be there physically to help through out the plan towards your D-day, deep in heart I am wishing all the good things for you.

And I am ultimately happy to be granted with 3 days off just to be there on that day, to witness the akad, the reception and to be your bridesmaid :) Still remember the day when Mak Yang helped with video call on your engagement day when I was too far away. 

Thanks for being a good sister. 
Thanks for sharing ears to listen to my stories.
Thanks for praying the best for me.


azrenfarah

May you have a blessed marriage in this world and still be together, happily towards the Hereafter. :)
Ameen ameen!

M, Perak, Malaysia
190303

Just Because It is August :)

August 2, 2018

Time flies fast, honestly.

I don't even realised it is already 1 year since I finally arrived home for good, saying my farewell to Czech and goodbye to long haul flights. Gonna experience them again as soon as I finish housemanship, insyAllah ameen ameen. 

Things honestly changed a lot through out time.

Since it is August and turn out August is my favourite month (well, who doesn't love their birthday month though?) :D, I am gonna share this thing here. Well, it is actually the same piece I've shared on my Insta stories. But, I don't feel like describing much about it there. 



Reading this tweet makes me re-scroll of my review of 2017 and to re-check how did I summarize my 2017 and what I look forward for 2018.

Trying to correlate with the above tweet, let's see...

1. Stop complaining and appreciate how lucky you are every day.
To be honest, I complained a lot about work to my good colleagues - people who will also share their complaints but at the same time, will support each other to go through the day with good heart and hope. 

Alhamdulillah, despite the tiredness and uncertainty at work, I hope I can maintain the feeling of good to help others - no matter of helping patients, colleagues, hospital staffs or even random people I met without the thought of quitting.

I know it will be hard to stop complaining but I'll reduce it. Housemanship is a struggle, I am sorry to say this but I deeply understand housemanship's hard life is for my own good, for my survival skill when I will be left somewhere without proper facilities soon. So, bear with me if I complain anything, I am just trying to get the frustration out of my head in a good way and proceed with life as none of it happened. Haha.

Anyway, I am grateful enough with my life - blessed with understanding family members who sacrificed a lot for me. T_T I am lucky enough to have places and people to go if I want to share stuffs. Allah helps me a lot by with beautiful beaches in few minutes drive away. 

2. Commit to the goals you set and never look back.
I do have goals. But it was still hard to never look back to previous goals that I need to turn away from. Things will never be the same anymore.

Things changed.
People changed.
Our life changed.

Goals are changeable as well, to be honest, depending on what suits best at that time.

But, for me it is better to set goals and live our life towards them. It always feel good to go with the flow but I would still rather have goals and moving around with that goals :)




3. Saying goodbye to the people that don't bring positive energy into your life.
Yessss, this thing helps a lot! 

Keep in touch with people who you know will love you, including the one who will guide, scold you for reasons. I meant it. People who want the best for you will help you but in return, do the same to them. Support each other. 

Ignore those who bring you down, whom you feel you lost your self worth.

After all, don't ever bring them down, don't ever lose their self worth. They will get something in return eventually, just not from you. Allah will help doing so, to make them realize what they have done. Just, don't be the one who do bad to people. 


4. Sweat every day to boost your mood.
I sweat a lot while working through out the day. Can it be counted other than sweating via exercise? Hahaha.

Alhamdulillah, I am very grateful of my working hours in Ortho as I mentioned before. I have more time for myself and family. I even have time to play badminton after work despite the need to wake up early morning the next day. Adaptation slowly helps anyway. :)


Embracing uncertainty :)

SS, Perak, Malaysia
180802

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