First Eid Without You

June 25, 2017

It is approaching 3am right now, I just cannot sleep yet, realizing I miss you a lot these days. I managed to go through few days of Ramadhan at home without you, I just cannot imagine how Mak Ayah dealt with Ramadhan, just the two of them when you used to accompany them since the past few years when you were not feeling well. 

It is Eid today, AbangLong. 

InsyAllah, I am going to visit you again this morning after Eid prayer. I still cannot help to be sad to see your full name on your batu nisan, the last time I visit you. I think you know that you have Nyah as your neighbour now, she passed away on your birthday - the day you should turn 31. 

Here is our youngest kitten, we call her Mas (I haven't figure out the gender though)

It felt weird to iron only four baju raya this time, when I used to iron for the five of us.
It felt weird to sit on your seat in the car, when I am used to sit in between you and AbangNgah.
It felt weird to go out on the last night of Ramadhan for our last minute shopping without you choosing your songkok. 
It felt weird to find your clothes in my wardrobe when I am no longer be able to call your name to pass them. 
It felt weird to find shiitake mushrooms in the fridge while cleaning the kitchen.
It felt weird to organize the flasks that I used to take chicken porridge in them to the hospital for you.
It felt weird to watch Shahrukh Khan on the screen without sharing with you. 

So many weird feelings to write here.

278 days.
Since the day you left the world.

Too many things happened since that day,
Too many changes since that day,
Too many good people I've met since that day,
Too many stories to share with you since that day.

Be happy there, AbangLong.

Keep coming into my dreams.
Keep smiling in my dreams.

Oh yea AbangLong,
I finished my studies, finally.
I am sorry I cannot help much with your pain when you were struggling days by days that time.
I am sorry for not being around the most of the years.
I am sorry for not being able to be patient sometimes while taking care of you.
I am sorry you are not able to be at my graduation day very soon.
I am sorry for not being a good sister to you. 

Gonna meet you soon, insyAllah.
Let's be siblings in Jannah :)

p/s - Eid Mubarak, everyone :)

SS, Perak, Malaysia

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