I Feel My Leg is Still There

September 14, 2018

I just feel like writing today.

This evening, when I was in the prayer room for Asar, I quietly listened to 'curahan hati' of a relative who is currently taking care of her father. She was actually sharing her thoughts to another random lady in the prayer room, just to lift up the burden in her chest, I guess.

Even though I am an Orthopaedics houseman and her father is actually in my ward, I am now in the peripheral team - which means my teammates and I are in-charge of all Ortho's patients in other wards in the hospital... so I don't know much about what is happening in the Ortho ward.

Okay, let's get back to that lady...

Her father was initially came with signs of inflammation of the right lower limb and our impression is necrotizing fasciitis. After further examination and discussion with the specialist, he ended up in the operation for wound debridement KIV BKA/AKA. BKA simply means below knee amputation while AKA means above knee amputation. BKA/AKA will only take place if the surgeon thinks it is better to do so and after approval of patient during the operation. Upon incision of the lower limb, there was A LOT OF pus discharge and slough - which means infection! The leg was really not in good condition and the infection was already ascending above knee. T_T

Only if you know how the slough / wound smells like.....

After explaining the intra-op finding and the surgeon explained the need to proceed with AKA, the patient was only keen for BKA at that moment. So, we proceed with that.

That was my first experience with BKA as a houseman. 

Limb amputation - it sounds easy to say. But if I put myself in that patient's shoes, I can't imagine to see my leg is no longer there. 

But, patient's general health is important as well. That limb can be a source of infection that can lead to sepsis / septic shock - many organs can lose their functions and eventually leading to death.

"Pakcik, saya minta maaf sangat-sangat. Tapi ibu jari kaki pakcik ni sebenarnya dah tak hidup. Kita kena keluarkan dia. Yang mati tak boleh bersama dengan yang hidup, kan pakcik?"

I still remember one of my MO's words towards another patient who came with gangrenous big toe, which means he need rays amputation of the great toe.

Yang mati tak boleh bersama dengan yang hidup, kan pakcik?

This sentence kept on playing in my brain. 

Same goes to life. There are some things or people that are not meant for us or things that are actually harmful to us no matter how much we love them. This is when we need to remove them in our life, otherwise they will affect us, physically and mentally - eventually can destroy us. 

It is hard to let go, but we need to try and live with the fact. And believe that it happens for reasons.


I think I lose my writing skills much.

I miss blogging though.

SM, Perak, Malaysia

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